What if you intentionally put in one squeaky floorboard and tell your regulars that if they squeak it, their first drink costs 10% extra, then only new people who don’t know the rule will step on it and familiars will avoid it.
Did… did you just write an algorithm for human behavior? Because that is exactly what I would expect from a robot appreciation Tumblr.
if u ever think ur being overly petty and bitter just remember there once was a portuguese prince whose dad assassinated the woman he loved & when he became king he literally had her body exhumed & placed upon the throne as his queen & forced the portuguese nobility (aka most of his father’s supporters) to pledge their alliance to her & kiss the hem of her clothes so that they would “render her when dead that homage which she had not received in her life” (x)
WHERE DO YOU PEOPLE EVEN GET THESE STORIES FROM???! DO YOU LIKE MAKE THEM UP OR SMTH??!
yeah… or i’m portuguese and know my history
okay so like, this is one of my favorite parts of Portuguese history
and it’s not because I have the same name as her or anything (even tho it’s definitely a factor - because how cool is that?!? - and I kinda used - and sometimes still use, let’s be real here - that as an excuse to call myself a queen because reASONS and shut up you would do the same)
but because that shit is like the stuff of legends and there is a whole myth surrounding their love story and the supposed place where she was killed - on the king’s orders near a fountain in the farm where she secretly lived with prince Pedro - because there’s a red stain there and it’s said that when she was stabbed she cried for the king’s men to spare her children (if memory serves me right) and her tears landed on the fountain and turned red because she was terribly devastated and in pain thinking only of her children and how she was going to leave them without a mother when in the last moments of her life…
and also, you know that prince? before he did that thing when he exhumed her just to make her ~officially~ his queen - and have everyone who ever opposed to them and their love kiss her clothes to pay her homage and the respect she did not have in life?? like that shit savage bro - he did another thing, even more savage than that
he searched the whole country for the two dudes who stabbed her (there was a third but I think he died or smth), even went to spain because one of them fled the country after the king died, and he fucking RIPPED their hearts out (one from the front and one from the back, because Inês was stabbed from both sides too) and tortured them in public, y'know, as you do
and that, my dear friends, is why the story of Pedro and Inês is considered one of the best love stories on our country (and I would say the world too because that shit better than anything Shakespeare or Nicholas Sparks ever wrote and it was fucking real)
my boy Pedro didn’t fuck around when you fucked with his lady, and you lyin’ if you say you don’t want you a freak like this - this Extra™, this ride or die, this savage - when it comes to love.
listen up, girls and boys, take note: follow their example and get yourselves a freak who would crown you queen after you were killed
TL;DR: basically Portuguese history has the best love story in the world and its the most savage thing you could imagine. go look it up - the story of Pedro and Inês. *mic drop*
Reblogging to add even more awesome contest to a previous reblog
Pick up ‘artists’ are all creepy nonces. Pass it on.
BBC The Social have just covered this creepy cunt.
If you’re in Glasgow and see him, be sure to head in the other direction or give him a swift kick to the balls.
Police Scotland have issued a statement after this video came to light.
There have been numerous examples posted on twitter of young women some as young as 16 reporting been approached by this creepy fuck.
Buchanan Galleries, St Enochs Centre, and numerous pubs and clubs in Glasgow have been notified and have informed their security to watch out for him and his group of scumbags.
Happy Birthday Scottish actor, writer, presenter and comedian Ford Kiernan.
Born Ford John Kiernan on January 10th 1962, Ford grew up in Dennistoun, before he went into comedy he worked as a tailor and then a barman at Glasgow University.
Ford first performed comedy in 1990 at Glasgow’s Comedy Club in the basement of Blackfriar’s pub in the Merchant City. He took up performing in 1993. A run of successful solo jobs led to him being offered a slot in the Edinburgh Comedy Festival in 1994, he followed the successful shows up the next two years at one of the top Fringe venues, The Gilded Balloon. In 1885 he won a Fringe First award at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival for his play Don’t Start Me.
On screen Ford has appeared in scores of shows, starting in 1995 with the Scottish comedy sketch show, alongside Ronni Ancona, Andrew Fairlie, Alan Francis and of course Greg Hemphill. Other shows include, The Baldy Man, Rab C. Nesbitt, Chewin the fat, Sea of Souls and Dear Green place. On the big screen he was in The Slab Boys, The Debt Collector and Angels Share.
Of course we know Ford Kiernan best as Jack Jarvis, one half of the comic duo Jack & Victor on Still Game with the aforementioned Greg Hemphill, the two also penned the series’.
For those who don’t know, Still Game is about a gang of Glaswegian pensioners who struggle to get to grips with modern living. Kiernan plays disgruntled pensioner Jack Jarvis who lives with his pal, Victor McDade in the fictional Glaswegian suburb of Craiglang.
Ford is married to wife Lesley with whom he has a daughter, Kaye, they tragically lost their boy, Sonny in 2012, his mother passed away just three months later.
The ninth and final series of Still Game is due on our screens on 24th February.
